Is Rude a Color?

It is so hard when the babes are sick!! I think it's inversely proportionate; the younger they are the harder it is when they are sick. And not just because they can't tell you where it hurts or why they are crying. It's more "the look" they give you. All you moms and dads out there know exactly what I am talking about. "The look" you get from your little babe when he is so very sad, burning up with fever for days on end. The flushed with fever cheeks, dull eyes, crocodile tears leaking from the corners of the eye, and the pieces de resistance: the trembling pouty lower lip. "The look", the one he sends your way when he feels soooo bad. You can practically HEAR the unspoken question in "the look", "mommy, why don't you fix it and make me feel better?" The accusation that you are not helping him and he doesn't understand why, it just tears your heart out! I saw "the look" this past week, more than once unfortunately. Grayson has occasionally had the sniffles and has met the dreaded booger sucker before, and he had a tummy bug once (although that was just barely different from his usual reflux-y self), but until last week, he hasn't been truly sick. It started Tuesday evening when I was getting him ready for bed. He felt a bit warm, but he is after all, 9 months old and still toothless. I thought it might be from teething (and if any of you spout at me about how teething DOESN'T cause a low fever, be careful, this mother of 5 might kick you. Kids have 20 teeth each. That's 80 and running...) He was cranky and crabby, more then his usual bedtime bit. He went to bed and by morning I knew his 101-102 fever was more then a teething fever. All Wednesday and Thursday he ran a fever. On Friday morning it inched up a bit to the 102 range. I called the doctor only to be told "We're all filled today. No appointments available (there never is, I might add. Around here you have to plan on being sick and schedule your appointment a week out to actually be seen when you need it). If he's truly sick (as if I would call if he wasn't!) you can request urgent care authorization from the on call doctor. If his fever goes above 103, he should be in the ER." OK. Nothing I didn't already know, thanks so much for nothing! We watched him all day Friday and he got worse. He slept most of the day Friday and we did the alternating Tylenol and Motrin trying to control the fever. I think he had 4, maybe 5, baths that day too. Friday night about 8, I took his temp again. 104.5. Holy crap. Off we go to the ER. What does Grayson do first? He pukes. Orange. The look on the docs face was priceless! "Ummmm... is that... Popsicle?" Nope. Carrots. :) After looking him over and ruling out ear infections and listening to his lungs which were clear, they first were sure it was the flu. Negative. Then it was most certainly RSV. Nope. Then it was finally decided that it was viral, something that I already known. "It's viral. You are gonna have to wait it out... most likely here, in the hospital so we can keep him hydrated." What? He is hydrated! I have managed to do that just fine for the last 4 days thank you very much! The doctor started lecturing me about the importance of keeping sick children well hydrate, the signs of dehydration, the consequences of such, etc. etc, ad naseum. It wasn't that he was going over this information, after all he has no way of knowing me, my abilities, my background, but it was the way he spoke to me. Like I was a child. A slow child. As he is telling me about all the ways you can assess how well hydrated a baby is, he is showing me on Grayson. When he's about finished, he says, "well, he isn't dehydrated at all. I thought he was earlier when he threw up." Wow. THe doctor starts writing a prescription for Grayson for an anti emetic medication... for my 9 month old, not dehydrated baby, who has only thrown up once, who throws up as a result of a strong gag reflex due to his GERD (reflux) on a regular basis... Hmm. When he told me that the medication was in tablet form and "not to freak out", I had had enough. I interrupted, "Oh, it's sublinguial, half a tablet then? Got it. I have 5 kids. I have been here. Done this. Have the T-shirt." Just color me rude. Grayson took another 3 days to finally shake the fever and on Tuesday, a week after this all started, was doing pretty good. Today is Thursday and guess who's sick again?

Things to Know...

OK, I know. It's been too long since I last posted. Things have been absolutley crazy around here for the last several months. And it's still crazy enough that I am not actually writing a real post. My good friend shared this on her blog and I about died laughing and thought I need to share it too. Thanks to you, my friend!! Hope it makes your day(s) brighter. It did mine.

Lesson 1
Getting prepared for the grocery bill.
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons.

How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.