Is Rude a Color?

It is so hard when the babes are sick!! I think it's inversely proportionate; the younger they are the harder it is when they are sick. And not just because they can't tell you where it hurts or why they are crying. It's more "the look" they give you. All you moms and dads out there know exactly what I am talking about. "The look" you get from your little babe when he is so very sad, burning up with fever for days on end. The flushed with fever cheeks, dull eyes, crocodile tears leaking from the corners of the eye, and the pieces de resistance: the trembling pouty lower lip. "The look", the one he sends your way when he feels soooo bad. You can practically HEAR the unspoken question in "the look", "mommy, why don't you fix it and make me feel better?" The accusation that you are not helping him and he doesn't understand why, it just tears your heart out! I saw "the look" this past week, more than once unfortunately. Grayson has occasionally had the sniffles and has met the dreaded booger sucker before, and he had a tummy bug once (although that was just barely different from his usual reflux-y self), but until last week, he hasn't been truly sick. It started Tuesday evening when I was getting him ready for bed. He felt a bit warm, but he is after all, 9 months old and still toothless. I thought it might be from teething (and if any of you spout at me about how teething DOESN'T cause a low fever, be careful, this mother of 5 might kick you. Kids have 20 teeth each. That's 80 and running...) He was cranky and crabby, more then his usual bedtime bit. He went to bed and by morning I knew his 101-102 fever was more then a teething fever. All Wednesday and Thursday he ran a fever. On Friday morning it inched up a bit to the 102 range. I called the doctor only to be told "We're all filled today. No appointments available (there never is, I might add. Around here you have to plan on being sick and schedule your appointment a week out to actually be seen when you need it). If he's truly sick (as if I would call if he wasn't!) you can request urgent care authorization from the on call doctor. If his fever goes above 103, he should be in the ER." OK. Nothing I didn't already know, thanks so much for nothing! We watched him all day Friday and he got worse. He slept most of the day Friday and we did the alternating Tylenol and Motrin trying to control the fever. I think he had 4, maybe 5, baths that day too. Friday night about 8, I took his temp again. 104.5. Holy crap. Off we go to the ER. What does Grayson do first? He pukes. Orange. The look on the docs face was priceless! "Ummmm... is that... Popsicle?" Nope. Carrots. :) After looking him over and ruling out ear infections and listening to his lungs which were clear, they first were sure it was the flu. Negative. Then it was most certainly RSV. Nope. Then it was finally decided that it was viral, something that I already known. "It's viral. You are gonna have to wait it out... most likely here, in the hospital so we can keep him hydrated." What? He is hydrated! I have managed to do that just fine for the last 4 days thank you very much! The doctor started lecturing me about the importance of keeping sick children well hydrate, the signs of dehydration, the consequences of such, etc. etc, ad naseum. It wasn't that he was going over this information, after all he has no way of knowing me, my abilities, my background, but it was the way he spoke to me. Like I was a child. A slow child. As he is telling me about all the ways you can assess how well hydrated a baby is, he is showing me on Grayson. When he's about finished, he says, "well, he isn't dehydrated at all. I thought he was earlier when he threw up." Wow. THe doctor starts writing a prescription for Grayson for an anti emetic medication... for my 9 month old, not dehydrated baby, who has only thrown up once, who throws up as a result of a strong gag reflex due to his GERD (reflux) on a regular basis... Hmm. When he told me that the medication was in tablet form and "not to freak out", I had had enough. I interrupted, "Oh, it's sublinguial, half a tablet then? Got it. I have 5 kids. I have been here. Done this. Have the T-shirt." Just color me rude. Grayson took another 3 days to finally shake the fever and on Tuesday, a week after this all started, was doing pretty good. Today is Thursday and guess who's sick again?

Things to Know...

OK, I know. It's been too long since I last posted. Things have been absolutley crazy around here for the last several months. And it's still crazy enough that I am not actually writing a real post. My good friend shared this on her blog and I about died laughing and thought I need to share it too. Thanks to you, my friend!! Hope it makes your day(s) brighter. It did mine.

Lesson 1
Getting prepared for the grocery bill.
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons.

How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

An A is not really an A, you just think it is!

The kids are so smart. They brought home reportcards this past week. Jacob has straight A's and nothing but! Ethan has only one B, in reading of course, and the rest are all A's. Kaylee was really disappointed with her grades. She brought home 3 B's, 4 A's. She was upset with the B's, but I pointed out to her that the B's were all honors classes AND she had a 93.4% in one of them, 93.2% in both of the others. (A 94%-100% is an A here. What craziness is this!?!).

Sucking Ducks, Stopping Hearts, Sky High Toes, and Chunky Monkeys!

Yeah, I know. I had you at the title, right??!! ;D So much has happened since I last posted that I don't even know where to start! Soooo.... let's start at the ducks, and work our way to the monkeys. Just like at the zoo. Zoo, Hutcherson house, they are pretty interchangeable anyway! Bryan went to log warrior... again... for a week. (army speak: "Log Warrior" translation: "camping in the woods and playing at being a soldier/cook, soldier/water boy, soldier/fueler, etc.") After he returned home, he decided that the family needed a special night out to reward the kids for being fairly good, and me for keeping them all alive! So we headed out to Jiang's. It is our all time fav, yum-o Chinese restaurant. We get there and we order our food. Our spring rolls come first and they are served with Chinese mustard and duck sauce. Silence descends on our little group as they (they being the kids... mostly!) inhale the spring rolls. Then the peace is broken by a "SSSLLLLLUUURRRPPP! AHH! SSSLLLLLUUURRRPPP! AHH!" Bryan and I look down the table and there is Jaden. He is sucking the duck sauce off his plate with his straw. Jaden looks at me like, "what mom? Licking my plate is bad manners, but this is duck sauce! I can't just waste it!" Sigh. Miss Manners would have a heart attack around my family. Speaking of heart attacks... had one this week. Really. All four of the big kids were in the family room. Two were playing a board game, one was watching TV, and Jaden was dancing around and just playing. I'm in the kitchen cutting up veggies for dinner, when I hear all 3 of the biggest kids start screeching. All I can make out of the noise is, "you're gonna kill him! You're gonna die!!" I'm thinking, oh crap Kaylee left her hermit crab out and Jaden has killed it. If only! I run into the family room in time to see Jaden strung up like a criminal in a hangman's noose! He had gotten up on the back of the couch next to Ethan and wrapped the cord from the mini blinds around his neck several times. Ethan, with out looking at him or seeing what he was up to, told Jaden to get down or mom was gonna yell at him for standing on the back of the couch. SO HE DID!! I grabbed him and unwound the cords, thankfully they weren't tangled, and held him tight. He was crying, I was crying, the other kids were crying. Scared Jaden more than hurt him, and he recovered pretty quick. He had a small rope burn all the way around his neck though. Hours later I almost dropped dinner on the floor because I was still shaking so bad. For the record: these mini blinds were supposed to be "safe". The little round things that gather up the cords don't work, obviously, when confronted by the wiles of a 4 year old, who is hell bent on sending his mother to an early grave! The cords have now all received their military hair cut, as in I chopped those suckers off all the way up at the top! Just hope no one needs to open the blinds anytime soon.
Speaking of tops... Kaylee is TOPS! On Friday night, she marched in her first ever half time show! She was so funny. She has fantastic toes! All of your band geeks out there know what I am talking about. Her toes were sky high when she roll stepped. I was so proud! Not to mention, she is in a euph line (euphonium, people, get with the terminology!) with about 5 other players. She's the youngest, only in 6th grade. The rest are 7th and 8th graders. She marched out there and hit her spot and stood at attention. All the euphs did good... for the first 5 seconds, then it looked like a free form marching band move. Kaylee standing perfectly still, at attention, feet together, head held high, statue still... surrounded by kids moving like you wouldn't believe. It was comically! And no, I am not just being partial! I am going to post the video on the blog as soon as I can figure out how... PROOF that my little girl is geek through and through!
Speaking of Geeks... well, more like CHeeks! Our little chunky monkey had his 6 month well baby check up on Wednesday. He is officially a weeble wobble. He is 26.33 inches long, 17lbs 10oz, and has "ham hocks" instead of thighs. He cannot roll himself over, but he can push up on to his hands, or his knees alternately, and he is sitting up unassisted. Like a weeble wobble. A fat weeble wobble. Just more to love, right baby?!

Hole-y couch, Batman!!!

Hutcherson 1: 1 "And then shall your couch cover be "hole-y" and not of good use. Woe, woe, woe be unto the four year old with scissors."
Hutcherson 1:2 "And your pillows shall be like unto it. And also the brothers stuffed animal, those shalt he also destroy and render useless."

I'm afraid that this doesn't need any explanation. And yes, it is as bad as you are thinking!!

Survival. Nothing more, nothing less.

1 week down. 35 more to go! Yay! We all survived the first day of school. Its shaping up to be a really great year. Jacob has "a BOY teacher!!! How cool is THAT?". Mr. Kooiker seems to be an amazing teacher. The kids all call him Mr. K as his name is hard to remember (think fancy oriental goldfish + ick! + errrrr). Jacob only has 2 other kids in his class that were in his Kindergarten class so he is busy making lots of new friends. Ethan has Mrs. Whipple for 4th grade! DUN DUN, DUN! 4th grade? Really? He is trying to become one of the library helper students, something I NEVER thought would happen! Ethan wanting to be around books all the time! He truly has come a long way from the 2nd grader in remedial reading to the 4th grader whose goal this year, now that his sister is out of the running, is to be the top AR (accelerated Reader) points earner. Then we come to Kaylee, our scared-to-death-gave-herself-a-tummy-ache-the-night-before-school-started-because-she-was-so-nervous middle schooler. Who did GREAT on her first day. She loves all of her teachers especially Mrs. Crinkley, her honors math teacher and Ms. Higby, her band teacher. Her biggest concern right now? Which instrument to play! She would like to play, in order of preference: euphonium, french horn, or saxophone. We shall see after this coming week when she has the chance to try out instruments. I'll keep you posted!

Jaden started speech again last Friday with Mrs. Keeslo, incidentally referred to as MRS. K! He has exactly 1 year to finish catching up on his speech before Kindergarten starts because, yes, my little BABY will make the cut off next fall for school.

Grayson, my little chubs, turned 5 months old this past Thursday. He is doing well. He sleeps better and better at night. We will get to a full nights sleep soon, I just know it! He has started to play with toys and chews things excessively. Until recently he has been doing really well with regards to his tummy problems. This week, he has taken a step backwards. sigh. He tagged Daddy at church today... twice in 5 minutes. That's my little guy! He waited till it was daddy's turn to puke! (Daddy only gets him for a total of 20 minutes during church because of his calling playing the piano in primary.) This afternoon was not good. He couldn't sleep if I laid him down. It burned too much. He napped on my chest for a little while before waking up and resuming his screaming. :( I broke out the antacid that he hasn't needed in weeks and weeks! He's had 3 doses just today. After the last one 20 minutes ago, he has passed back out, again on my chest. It's so sad to see him in pain and so frustrating to know that there is nothing really that I can do to help him. It may be time to go back to the specialist!

T minus two, and counting!

Well, 2 more days till school!! Yay!! $200 dollars on school supplies from the official "list", new shoes for all, and a cramp in my hand from writing names on every freakin' crayon, pencil, marker, marker lid, and glue stick (can anyone explain why my 6th grader needs 22 glue sticks???) and we are all set for school. Finally. My little night owl (Kaylee) now has to be ready to leave the house by 6:50 a.m. I don't know how either of us are going to survive! The little boys still have to be at the bus stop at about 7:55, so at least I should be able to concentrate on getting Kaylee ready and out the door before I have to wake the boys up. I am hoping that the separation helps cut down on the morning war zone (aka the kitchen table battle).
Yesterday, Daddy took all the kids, minus Grayson, to "Lucky Lake". Lucky Lake is a gem and mineral "mine". The kids had an awesome time sifting out the rocks, minerals, and gems from the dirt. Of course, that means that now there are even more rocks in our house for me to not see before it's too late and my vacuum sucks them up... and dies, again!