Opportunistic Punks and Drunks!

OK, so here is the story. Once again our blog is all about Jake. hmmm.... do I sense a theme? Anyway, Jake has been a... well.... a B-R-A-T this past week or two (and I do mean with capital letters and a few hundred exclamation points following). He has been very disobedient and sneaky. It started last week when we had a special cake for desert after dinner on New Year's Eve. We covered the left over half with plastic wrap and left it on top of the stove. Jake not only snuck down to the kitchen to eat the rest of it, but knowing he'd be busted if caught, he grabbed handfuls of chocolate cake and snuck it back upstairs to eat while hiding in the corner of his room. In other words, not only is the cake all gone, but the door knobs on both kitchen doors were covered in dried on frosting and a trail of crumbs leads out of the kitchen through the dining room, up the stairs, down the hall and into his room. He made the trip many times as there was ALOT of cake left. Made sure to step on the crumbs and grind them into the carpet while he was at it too! He got caught. I made him "clean up" (as only a 4 year old can of course!) and then put him on his bed for a 10 minute time out. During his timeout, I went back and cleaned up the mess. When his 10 minutes were up, I went into his room to talk to him and low and behold, he's GONE! I go looking for him and I find him in the family room watching TV... with it muted so I wouldn't hear it and catch him of course! I scolded him told him to get in his room for his timeout! 10 minutes, that's all he had to do. 3 hours later.... he finally finishes his time out. I guess I could have sat outside his door to make him stay put for the ten minutes, but that's really not the point. I want him to make the choice to sit because he wants to obey, not because I force him. Anyway, so he gets out of timeout just in time for lunch. He asked for grilled cheese, which I made for them all. After I hand him his plate, he changes his mind. He makes it abundantly clear that he will not, under any circumstances eat that grilled cheese. "Well, Bud, it's a long time till dinner and you aren't getting anything else till it's gone." The other three kids finish there lunch and Jaden, the graham cracker fiend, asks for graham crackers. I pass them out to everyone except Jake (and Kaylee, but that is because she doesn't like them). Jake throws yet another fit. I told him that when his sandwich is gone that I would let him have a cracker too. He carries on fussing and I finally tell him that since he isn't eating anyway, to go upstairs and play in his room that mommy needed a time out! He heads up stairs, still grumbling. Not 5 minutes later I catch sight of him out of the corner of my eye. He was headed BACK upstairs and he was movin' awfully fast. "Jake, what do you have in your hand?" He doesn't even pause and keeps truckin' it back up the stairs. I caught up with him in the upstairs hallway and ask him again. He turns around and shows me his empty hands... and his mouth so full of graham crackers that he can't even close his lips!!!!! Once he is back on his bed for yet another time out, I head to the kitchen to see the damage. You know how graham crackers come in three plastic wrapped "bricks" to a pack? Well, the other kids had finished off the first brick so i knew that there should have been 2 wrapped bricks left, but no. The was ONE brick and 3 loose graham crackers left! Yes, ladies and gentleman, my four year old has set a new world record for eating 15 graham crackers in less then 5 minutes!! Please, hold your applause till the end of the story. Well, given the morning's effectiveness in the timeout arena... I kept a close eye on the bottom of the stairs... or so I thought. The problem with our house, as pertains to Jake, is that the stairs end right by the front door and all the other rooms are back behind it. The only room that you can really see the stairs from is the dining room. Once I picked up the toys on the dining room floor, I moved into the living room. My mistake. I, blissfully ignorant of my child's intentions, picked up a large laundry basket full of toys. Bryan came in about then and I asked him to take the basket to Jake in his room and tell Jake that when he puts the toys from the basket back on the shelf that he can come out of time out. Like a good hubby, Bryan lugs the basket up to the boys room and then hollers back down, "Um, Stacy, Jake isn't in his room." Uh, oh. Bryan searches the upstairs, all the hiding spots. I search the downstairs and the backyard. Nothing. Oh, crap. Bryan and I look at each other. "You start calling people. I'm on my bike" and he heads out. I call the neighbor boy, Hunter's house were Ethan is playing and ask his dad if Jake is there. Now, keep in mind, it's in the 30's outside and Hunter lives one street over down at the end of the cul de sac. Brian (Hunter's dad) says, "well, he was here about 20 minutes ago, but the big boys didn't want to play with him so he left" A four year old, in a t-shirt, in 30 degree weather, for at least the last 20 minutes. AHHHHHHHHH! Then the front door opens. In walks Ethan, "Have you seen Jake?" I asked. No. A few minutes later the door cracks open. I see Jake slowly stick his head in and look around. Not seeing me standing behind the door, he sneaks in and makes a run for the stairs. Here, we go again... OK, so that's the Punk portion of tonight's entertainment. A few days later Jake asks if he can watch Scooby Doo. I say "OK, we can put in the DVD when Jaden goes down for his nap and I'll watch it with you (UGH!!)" And what does my precocious 4 year old say? "No mom, you have to check cartoon network right now to see if it is on right now. If it is I need to take this opportunity to watch it!" WHAT??!!?? I asked him what opportunity means and he says its a "chance". wow. A few nights after that, Daddy gives the kids a special treat and lets them have chocolate milk with their dinner. Jake is happily drinking his milk when he all of a sudden says "See, I'm a chocolate milk drunk!" Again, I repeat, WHAT??!!?? Bryan and I look at him and ask" You're what?" He repeats "see, I am a chocolate milk drunk!" After like four tries, we finally got it. "I can see chocolate milk I drunk" He meant, that he could still see chocolate milk in his cup after he had drank it all gone.